JOKES

PUT YOUR FOOT IN IT

PADDY WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET IN LONDON WHEN THE URGE COMES ON HIM,
SO HE SEES A GANG OF GUYS ON THE CORNER AND ASKS THEM THE DIRECTIONS TO THE
NEAREST HOUSE OF ILL REPUTE, "OH THATS SIMPLE" SAYS THE GANG LEADER "BACK DOWN THAT STREET 100 YARD'S, DOWN A SET OF STEPS AND YOU WILL SEE THE SIGN ABOVE THE DOOR WHICH SAYS CHIROPODIST".
"OH IS THAT WHAT THEY CALL IT OVER HERE SAYS PADDY?"
SO OF HE GOES, SEES THE STEPS AND THEN THE SIGN, HE OPENS THE DOOR TO SEE A LADY
TYPING, HE THINKS IT A LITTLE STRANGE BUT CARRIES ON OVER TO THE DESK,
UNZIPS HIMSELF AND PLOPS IT ON THE TABLE,
SHE SAYS "OH MY GOODNESS THAT'S NOT A FOOT"!!
"WELL MISSUS SURE YOU'RE AWFUL FUSSY ITS ONLY AN INCH SHORT !!"

YEE HAA HOT DIGGETY DAMN

DEEP SOUTHERN MOUNTAIN MAN HAS JUST MARRIED HIS BEAU AND ARE ON THEIR
HONEYMOON.GETTING READY FOR BED SHE SOFTLY WHISPERS TO HIM ,
"I HAS BEEN A SAVIN MASELF FOR YA"
         IT PUZZLES HIM WHAT SHE COULD MEAN BUT HE CARRIES ON PREPARING FOR BED.
"HURRY UP" SHE SAYS "I'VE BEEN A WAITIN FOR YOU"
        "WHAT THE HELL YOU MEAN"? HE SAYS
"I'VE BEEN SAVING MASELF FOR YOU I'M A VIRGIN" SHE SAYS.
         SO UP HE GETS AND HEADS BACK HOME AS QUICK AS HE CAN WHERE HIS DAD SAYS
"WHAT YOU DOIN HOME NOW BOY?"
        "DADDY SHE SAID SHE'S BEEN ASAVIN' HERSEL' FOR ME AND THAT SHE'S A VIRGIN"
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THEN BOY?"
"AH JUST GOT UP AND OUTTA THERE DADDY" HE SAYS.
"DAMN RIGHT TOO AINT GOOD ENUFF FOR HER OWN FAMILY AINT GOOD ENUFF FOR MINE!"